A Day In The Life Of My Stretchy Pants
A Day In The Life Of My Stretchy Pants
(knock, knock, ding, dong) Oh my gosh, it’s twelve past three.
A delivery is coming, that’s just my luck, probably something I’d ordered last week.
Drying off my hands, wet from cleaning a spill, I timidly open the door,
The handsome UPS man says “Howdy do?”, while his gaze goes from my waist down to the floor.
I don’t look down, I know what’s there, I’ve been a busy wife.
My mind screams out, “Tell him why it seems you’ve given up on life!
You’re not a slob, a frumpy mom, it’s just that today was rough,
He would sympathies, apologize, if he heard how your day’s been tough!”
Last night I thought about today, preparations is always key,
I put on my comfy stretchy pants thinking no one else would see.
Knowing I wouldn’t escape this place ’till tomorrow at a quarter past eight,
Cooking, cleaning, teaching, there would be a lot on my plate.
We started early this morning, my stretchy pants and I,
Brush teeth, wash face, look in the mirror, let out a sigh.
Drink a cup, prepare the toast, cook the bacon all while making eggs.
Then, like every morning that came before, I dropped egg whites on my leg.
Time moved too fast, now 6:52, my three Loves awake from their dreams.
Sitting, staring impatiently, breakfast should be ready by now it seems.
But my son, forlorn, came to me with an early morning snuggle plea,
Hugging me tight, burying his head deep, he lovingly rubbed nighttime boogers on my knee.
Then abruptly at 9:54, my daughter screamed out, her eyes full of shock,
She was paralyzed, locked in place, her nose was bleeding much more than a drop.
Encouraging her, “We can make it to the sink”, she bravely said she ‘d try,
But tragically on the way to that sink, blood dribbled down my right thigh.
At 11:15 snack-time was under way, my youngest, I chose to serve first.
He was screaming, hitting and running a muck due to overwhelming hunger and thirst.
When all his banana and crackers were gone he let me know by throwing his cup,
Getting him down, while grabbing the rag, he kindly wiped his hands across my butt.
1:22 slowly came around, I was preparing dinner ahead,
My oldest was playing quietly in her room while my two boys were sleeping in bed.
Mixing some red stuff to put on some brown stuff, I dropped the spoon and just laughed,
Sauce covered the floor, dawned the cabinets and naturally splattered all over my calf.
So here I am at twelve past three, embarrassed, my eyes getting moist,
Do you understand Mr. UPS man? Staying in my dirty stretchy pants is the only logical choice.
Eggs, boogers, blood, bananas, crackers and sauce, look, can’t you see?
If I wore nice pants then I’d just have to change, creating larger piles of laundry… for me!
*This poem was inspired by my lack of foresight and rookie mistake of prematurely putting on my nice pants yesterday. And yes… that is bananas!
Hey, look on the bright side…you can always serve them dinner off your pants!
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Classic move!
There are days when I put Youngest’s snack of cereal or crackers on my leg so he will let me sit down!
Those needy toddlers 😉
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This too shall pass…only to come to something else equally high maintenance. Mine are 12 and 7 and so they are getting pretty self sufficient in a lot of ways. So now there’s alot of chauffeuring around, plus they get more expensive!
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I already see “older issues” with Oldest. She now feels the right to just get what she wants out of the pantry… when ever she wants.
I catch her eating sliced bread all the time!! Constipation is going to be visiting her soon 😉
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Oh goodness. My daughter (7) also exhibits many teenager traits already.
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we will start a support group… my daughter is 7 too!!!
“Like seriously mom?”
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Oh boy! I’m in!
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I can’t tell you how many times I went to work and a few hours later someone commented on the spot on my shirt/pants whatever… It could have been spit up, or food, or any number of things!
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That is the worse!!
(thinking) Aw it’s so nice to feel put together, cute even… (looking down) Aw damn it!!!
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I hear you on this one, and I don’t even have young kids to blame for my spillage. Luckily, teens don’t tend to rub their boogies on you… I should just go around life in an apron.
I bet the UPS guy was thinking, “Wow, that woman’s done more in half a day than most people do the whole week! He should be delivering you chocolate. 🙂
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I have a handsome man who delivers chocolate… Moderate Daddy (that was super cheesy but I had to give him his due shot out!!)
My UPS man always seems very uncomfortable when he comes here. I’m always a mess… my kids are always trying to talk with him or in Youngest case… escape. He just say ‘Howdy” and power walks back to he van 🙂
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It’s probably a great form of birth control for him. 😉
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I love this. I live in sweats myself. I have left my home looking this way as well. I feel like I am getting the looks as well, but it is not always easy to juggle a family and home and still look like Elle McPherson. Sorry folks. And I only have 1. Hang in there mama.
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I hear ya!!
I’ve also been spotted out in the public arena in my stretchy pants 😉
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Loved this! Such a poet 🙂
It won’t surprise you to know that I have a pair of matching pants in the laundry right now. xo
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Oh I know MamaMick… I’m right up there with Keats and Dickinson 😉
Someday we need to have a jammie party!!!
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There is nothing like stretchy pants!
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It is so true.
Ironically the pants I wrote this poem about got a hole in the knee this week. I bought them when I was pregnant with Oldest. They will truly be missed 😉
Target jammie section… here I come!!
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Aww so nostalgic too! You can’t go to the jammie section without me!
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Black Friday jammie shopping date?
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Online? lol
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Love your humour here. Been there; started the day with matching clothes then by evening, four shirt swaps later and wet pants(bub or me?) hubby comes home to mismatched mama who appears not to care anymore. Love & hugs.
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RIGHT?? I mean that’s 5 shirts of you in one day!!
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Was when I was breastfeeding and had a toddler. Those days passed now:)
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Oh yes… breastfeeding renders many dirty shirts!!
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Cute poem! I started wearing black when I had kids, it was harder to see all the spills and smudge marks.
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I’m thinking I need to invest in some age inappropriate short shorts… at least they would be out of the reach of Youngest and his banana hands!!!
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I have an entire pile of clothes on a chair in my bathroom that are not clean but not bad enough to do laundry yet either. And the pants I’m wearing now have boogers on them from my son this morning! Blood gets you extra points by the way – it’s like an honor 🙂
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I feel truly honored!! We are warriors my friend… warriors!!
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