Next Halloween Will Cost More Than My Nicest Pair Of Shoes!
Halloween… the official kick off to the holiday season… it’s a neighborhood affair.
Our front yard is the hosting ground for the hotdog cookout (slash) potluck (slash) dessert extravaganza.
Our neighbors front yard is the hosting ground of a pirate ship… a pirate ship containing a sock cannon.
A SOCK CANNON!!!
I’m not sure how the sock canon works.
I’m always gabbing… eating… passing out candy… eating… teasing children… and eating. (I mean there is a potluck… in my front yard!!)
What I do know is the sock cannon scares the crap out of innocent people strolling leisurely by on their mission to find the “good” candy.
The adults are the most entertaining to watch… shock mixed with horror mixed with squeals mixed with happiness!!
It makes me happy!
Needless to say… we draw quite a crowd which means we pass out tons of candy.
Every year I buy more candy than the year before.
I even went to Costco. You know… the place you go to buy in bulk!!!
316 pieces of candy in total this year… that’s 316 people planned for!!
Moderate Daddy calls me “stingy” because I only bestow 1 piece of candy upon the children.
I don’t think he understand mathematics…
MATH PROBLEM: On Halloween night a mama gives 2 pieces of candy to every person… including adults… ADULTS!!! 316 people stopped by… how many pieces of candy did the mama hand out?
answer: 632
Nope… not going to do it!
That amount of candy would cost more than my nicest pair of shoes!!
Plus… don’t we have an obesity problem in this country?
One could say Moderate Daddy’s candy generosity is hurting the youth of America.
Giving out 1 piece of candy not only saves money…
it saves lives!!
LIVES!!!
But in all seriousness… I could purchase 1000 pieces of candy and still run out… it’s tradition!
So… going along with tradition…
I ran out of candy.
Queue in the candy Oldest and Middle receive trick-or-treating.
It all works out perfectly.
They get done making the rounds at 8pm… I run out of candy around 8:30pm… they’ve already had a few pieces and are off playing somewhere.
Perfection!!
Mission SHKC (Steal Half the Kids Candy) is a-go!!!
While Oldest and Middle are next door shooting the cannon (I love you sock cannon) I swiftly… tactically dump half their candy into the communal bucket.
Problem solved…
Money saved…
Mama earns a pack of peanut M&M’s…
Victory is sweet…
YES!
SIDENOTE: No chocolate was lost in mission SHKC!
But… this year everything changed.
I need to introduce the man on the left. This is Moderate Pop Pop. No… he is not a drummer in the band… I am just that bad at drawing and that’s the best I could do. In real life he is very handsome!!
My dad gave me one of those… “trust me… I know what I’m talking about” looks.
But I knew better than him.
I do this every year and every year I get away with it!!
Watch and learn dad… watch… and… learn!!
Holy crap… she’d saved her highly valued… never bought by mama at the store… candy corn packet for her beloved Pop Pop.
Oldest is my gift giver.
My “life is beautiful and all should be fair” child.
My “this does not make sense… let’s figure out the mystery… even if it takes all night” child.
My night was about to get much longer and the trust my daughter once had in me might be tarnished forever.
I felt like a jerk!
I was a jerk!!
On top of that… Moderate Pop Pop was getting quite a kick out of being right.
I hate when my parents are right because I am still an immature child!!
But then…
SHE FOUND IT!!!
OH SWEET MERCY!!!
YIPPIE!!!
(take that Moderate Pop Pop!!)
But then she said…
Seriously… CRAP!!!
SIDENOTE: Oldest still didn’t notice that half her candy was gone… just the second bag of candy corn which, surprisingly, its disappearance was not discussed further. I could… more than likely… get away with my candy stealing mission next year but I don’t think my heart could take it!!!
1000 pieces of candy… I’ll be seeing you next year!!
Nice pair of boots… our meeting will have to wait!!
It’s Been a (Mission Retired) Pleasure,
Your Moderate Mama
Every year we go to my friends house. They do Halloween big. Sounds like your place. They limit to one piece of candy per kid too!
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It’s nice to know others are caring for the youth of America!!!
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Wow, so many mouths to sweeten you have! We live on a high-traffic street with no side walks so we never get any trick-or-treaters. It’s kind of a bummer because I miss out on all those cute costumes.
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That is a bummer!! The only thing that brings a smile to face after I spend $50 on candy is knowing I will see some sweet… dressed up little faces.
You can come here next year… dress up like a pirate and run the sock cannon!! 😉
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I limit our passing out to 2 pc, cause I buy the small bite size or snack size. Unless I buy bags of pretzels, then everyone gets one bag and all is well. I love the bags of pretzels. My son on the other hand told me I had to get chocolate this year.
But, no matter, by the time I’ve passed out to 300 kids or so I’m done – I shut off the light and pull in the pumpkins!
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Yeah… pretzel are not “kid-approved”
Honestly… I bought gummie snacks this year because I could get a box of 88 for $9 at Costco and the kids… teenagers and adults were super excited about gummie snacks.
I never knew the love of gummies ran so deep!!!
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Gummies!! I’ll watch for those next year!
I had to laugh, yesterday I found a baggie of Halloween candy in the back of the car… SCORE!
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That is the best “score” there is!!!
CONGRATS!!!
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I am laughing out loud right now! My kiddos are all too big to trick-or-treat, but that hasn’t stopped me from buying Halloween candy. Nor has the fact that we at the end of a 400 ft driveway tucked way back from the road. We haven’t had a trick or treater for twenty years…I’ve ate the annual 316 pieces all by myself.
Happy Fall!!
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I love making you laugh…. it makes my day!!
Your strategy for bringing home tons of candy is classic… I’d expect nothing less from you… the candy is “for the children”… in that case… buy a ton!! (it’s not your fault they don’t come 😉 )
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So true! It’s for the children!!!!
Jusy like the caramel apple wraps i picked up this morning 😉
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WOW… you have such a big heart!!!
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I nearly fell off my chair laughing. You stealing candy from your kids!!!
We would get lots of candy when I was a kid. My sister would count her’s. Then she would know how many pieces of candy she could eat a day to make it last till Christmas. If anyone took a piece she would know.
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Was your sister the oldest?
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Oh No!! She’s younger than me. I think she has an obsession with candy. I remember one year on Mother’s Day Dad gave me $2.00 and my sister $2.00 to put in on a box of candy for Mother. When It was time to pay she would not put her money in. I told my Dad “That’s not fair”. He said she was the youngest. Guess who ate the most candy.
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Oh the life of an Oldest…
I bet you were better prepared for the “outside world” though!!
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This is so funny on so many levels! Maybe next year you could dress up and go trick or treating to get the extra candy you need?
My for two Halloween’s my Hubby was away and I handed out the candy. I was letting the kids pick out candy which turned into kids grabbing handfuls. (lesson learned). Hubby told me I shouldn’t let them do that and I should just give them one each.
Enter here this Halloween: Hubby was home and wanted to hand out the candy. After a bit of time I went over to see some costumes and discovered Hubby giving two chocolate bars to each kid. He was so busted! I of course made it known. He soon discovered he’d run out if he kept that up.
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I am not cool enough to dress up… or am I too cool ;-)!!
About the kids just grabbing a handful of candy… if they are 5ish I’m like, “Okay they are young they don’t know any better.” If they are 17… I want to poop them in the face with their mask!!
My neighbor caught a group of teenage boys dumping her entire bowl of candy into their pillowcases. She told them, “I’m not a nice mom so you better put that candy back!!” One of the boys was so scared he dumped his entire pillowcase full of candy into her bowl!
Score for me because he had a big bag of peanut M&M’s which I then took from her bowl!!
“Thanks miss guided American teenager!!”
Lastly… what is it with men and giving out more than 1 piece!!!
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Oh man I’ll have to remember that one! It was mostly little ones but there were a couple of teens. Next time I’ll take it back! Or just not let them do that ever again.
That’s so funny what your friend did! I’m glad you got the M&M’s!!
I know men right?!
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