The Destructive Act of Comparing Apples to Oranges
Working mamas, stay-at-home mamas, home schooling mamas, Paleo mamas, beat-to-your-own-drum kind of mamas…
we are all mamas and we all love our families.
We wrestle with guilt and come under daily attacks for… what seems like… every stinkin’ life choice we make!
It’s intense in this ol’ mama brain some days… (examples)
Should I let my children watch TV while eating?
- Jill seems to think it’s a bad idea because it might cause lifelong, bad eating habits that will assuredly lead to a heart attack at 30!
Should I bribe my children with M&M’s (they do contain sugar and colored dyes.. which are not cool right now!)?
- Katy is all about no sugar and dyes! But her children looked so sad when they had fruit instead of cupcakes at their birthday party.
Should I let my children say “butt” and tell “toot” jokes?
- Bobby would die if her children heard my children say “butt”! What if she keeps them from playing together?
Should I let my children watch more than 2 hours of TV? I mean… I am with them 13 hours a day so 3 hours doesn’t seem that bad.
- But Candy seems to think any TV is detrimental to their growing brains. That it will assuredly lead to a low SAT score which will lead to her children being homeless!
Should I bring an organic granola bar for the children’s snack?
- Morgan always seems so uncomfortable around me… I think she thinks I’m judging her because she gives her children non-organic snacks. I don’t want to make anyone feel self-conscious!
Should I home school my children?
- Peggy seems very sure that if her children go to public school they will hate God, smoke weed, father a child by 17 and wear skinny jeans!
Why do we compare ourselves?
All we get is sinful competition… which leads us to either… false pride or misplaced guilt.
Everyone has their own convictions, their own ways of making this crazy, mixed up, beautiful thing called family work. God tells us…
Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself
by what he approves.
Romans 14:22b
If you and your man think it’s okay to feed your children non-organic apples… do it mama… and sleep soundly!
If you and your man think your children are better off home schooled… do it mama… and rest in peace!
This leadership comes from your Creator, not humans.
His guidance, in your life and in the lives of your family,
is perfect,
sovereign,
and timeless.
Your Creator is trust-worthy… knows you fully… and loves you unconditionally.
Now, If you’re around a friend and sense the tugging of God’s guidance to change something… then by all means… DO IT MAMA!!
But I believe, in most cases, our brains are so overwhelmed and so muddled because of the loud words and actions of the world around us… we miss the peace-filled voice of God!
We miss out on an abundant life!!
Or worse, choose to believe the lie that our mama friend’s opinions are more important than the Lord’s. That we desire their praise more than glorifying and loving God.
Trust YOUR God given convictions!!!
Friendship… sisterhood… is a gift in order for us to be nourished,
in order for us to have fellowship,
laughter,
and most of all…
to know we are not alone…
that we are normal!
But instead of nourishment,
togetherness,
laughter,
and normalcy,
we feel drained,
depressed,
odd,
and alone.
We are not alone! You are not alone!!
I can only speak for myself but my envy towards working mamas and my fellow stay-at-home mamas is my issue… not theirs.
It’s my mind,
it’s my heart!
For where you have envy and selfish ambition,
there you find disorder…
James 3:16b
When there is disorder in my home and in my mind… it’s usually because there is disorder in my heart!
When I lack thankfulness for the good in my life…
bitterness,
malice,
and idol worship flood my head,
move down to my heart,
then come rushing out of my mouth like crap filled waste.
I feel disgusting and I stink!!
The harsh fact is sometimes I blame my unhappiness on my choice to stay-at-home.
I ignorantly assume that if I was a working mama then this “unhappiness” towards a specific issue would no longer be an issue.
It’s juvenile… it’s absurd!
EXAMPLE: My children and I have tons of time together… I MEAN TONS. But in the area of quality time, we are lacking. I think, “Surly it’s easier for working mamas since they work all day and only get to spend a few hours with their children. They miss them so of course they have more quality time”
SO WHAT!!!
If I’m convicted about not spending quality time with my children, that’s not anyones issue but mine.
If I don’t choose to act on that conviction there is NO ONE responsible but me.
I think this saying sums up how we should view one another…
The grass might look greener
but it still has to be mowed.
We all are working hard for our family!
Sacrificing our sleep,
our clean house,
our dreams,
our money,
our time,
our very heart!!
If we could all just stop…
listen…
and see that we’re all in over our heads… it might spur some loving encouragement.
Wouldn’t some encouragement be nice?!
If we look outside ourselves we would truly taste a bit of heaven…
open,
honest,
fearless,
reckless,
lovely friendship!
It’s Been a Pleasure,
Your Moderate Mama
If you would like to email me, if you need prayer, please use the link on my ABOUT page
Great post! Sometimes I think of all the time I’ve spent worrying about measuring up to other people’s idea of perfection, and realize I’ve wasted good energy and time that could have been spent playing happily with my kids. It can take a great effort to be at peace with your own decisions in this world!
LikeLike
Oh Tricia… I’m with you!!
The other day I was mentally overwhelmed that my bathroom drawers were (and still are) a mess..
Now… this is not because I have so much extra time to worry about such irrelevant crap but there are days I feel attacked… and even unkept bathroom drawers feel like a sum of my success as a mother!!
crappy bathroom drawers = crappy mama
All the while my kids are left with a bit of a nut for a mama because she got sucked into the unimportant!!
I could have colored like 3 color sheets with the time I spend feeling bad 😉
Peace does take great effort but oh the sweet stillness of peace worth it… my kids are worth it too!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are wise, wonderful and amazing. Thank you for a great mama post. Xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Mama Mick…
I’m in need of a Mama Mick post… i’ve been looking for you in my reader!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ahhh…you are so sweet! My work has me swamped and then i took today off for knee surgery. I hope to be back reading and writing soon. Ill be back! Xo
LikeLike
Yuck… those aren’t fun reasons not to be writing! !
Hope your healing is quick! !
LikeLiked by 1 person
When in doubt, blame dad. We can take it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah but that’s a whole other box of guilt! !
LikeLike
This is a wonderful post – so glad I found your blog and I look forward to reading more. As for comparing, I think it’s human nature to do so, and very hard in a world of forever conflicting advice to figure out how best to choose your own parenting path.
For what it’s worth, I figure the odd day of more than two hours of TV, is probably okay 😉 But what do I know, sometimes I even let them eat dinner in front of it (shudder of shame :).
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for the kind words!! I am glad you stopped by!!
My kids eat in front of the TV all the time!!! We try to sit down for dinner as a family and I figure they are loved… get feed… they’re in the top 5% of well taken care of kids!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my gosh what a great post! I am constantly trying to get my children to stop comparing themselves. He gets to and I don’t……………..Or this isn’t fair………………… These comments plague me. I try so hard to teach them not to count someone else’s blessings but their own. I think comparing is something we do from birth!
LikeLike
I agree and I find it’s an issue I’m trying to teach my kids that I myself still struggle with!!!
LikeLike